Don't Forget Me, I Beg

So, I have the normal fears: spiders, bugs in general, falling, fire, tornados, the list goes on and on. The bottom line is that I'm scared of a lot of things. But there is one fear I have that kind of stands alone. I think other people probably have this fear too, but it is always there for me. I have the horrible terror of being forgotten. Not forgotten like people are going to forget that I went somewhere and they can't find me. Forgotten like everything I've ever done or will ever do is for nothing. I started to feel that way when I went back to visit my high school. People were excited to see me for a few minutes, but it was like they didn't actually care that it was me. It was as if I was just something breaking up the monotony of their day. Even people I thought I was really close to merely said hi and went on their way. Did my leaving really not have that much of an effect on them? Is this the way it is with everyone? Out of sight, out of mind? Did they even consider that I never stop thinking about them? Or how they are doing? Am I really not that memorable? I know I talk a little loudly and I know I talk a lot. It's because I'm so afraid that even though I'm there, if I don't say anything they will forget me. I want to be noticed, and I want so badly to be remembered. In twenty years, if someone from my high school hears my name I want them to be able to say, "Yea, I remember her." People think it is funny to leave me places, because I can't find my way back. But it kills me when they do that. Even though it's a joke. And it isn't because I'm so afraid of being lost. It's because it breaks my heart that I'm so easy to forget and just leave somewhere. The day you all came back to get me because I was standing in the middle of the intersection crying, I wasn't crying because I was lost. I was crying because you were my best friends. And you forgot me. Part of my love of being on stage is because for those two hours, I am not forgotten. There is someone looking at me, and watching me, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because when they look back on that show, they will sure as hell remember me. So there it is, my biggest fear. Whether you love me or hate me, it doesn't really matter. At least you are thinking of me.